About me (not)

As a reclusive writer, I’m struggling somewhat to provide information on my “About” page so you can know all about me. That’s the reason for my secret moniker—you won’t know who I am. That way, any business associates or clients who happen to come across my blog won’t have any bad visuals of me trying to dry my butt with a motion sensor hot air dryer (check my Monsoon post).

I could tell you that I’m a working single parent, with two kids (and a rather eccentric dog), who runs her own business, but that would be boring and then no one would want to read my blog.

I think instead that I will take a bit of literary license and tell you that I was formerly working undercover for a top secret espionage agency. I was in pursuit of the leaders of an international drug cartel, which allowed me to travel around the globe under a variety of secret identities. After the successful capture of the leaders of the cartel (yes, a mission so secret it wasn’t even on CNN), I have relocated to a secure location to ensure my safety. As such, my anonymity is paramount.

I will share with you the following that is absolutely true.

  • I used to own a salmon-crested Moluccan cockatoo named Elvis.
  • I can’t ski (strapping two pieces of wood on my feet on land or on water is a bad idea).
  • I have rebuilt a carburetor.
  • I once flew back from Brandon, Manitoba in -40° weather in the cargo section of a Purolator Courier plane and before the plane would start they had to boost the engine with a pair of jumper cables and a pick-up truck.
  • I’ve held a boa constrictor.
  • I fell off an inflatable banana in shark-infested waters while vacationing in Acapulco.
  • I had a cat who came back from the dead.
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